Burdens.

I recently played in the Calgary International Chess Classic due to a last-minute dropout. I managed to score 3/7 (I wasn't needed as a sub for rounds 3 and 4), and was more or less satisfied with my play. Being the lowest rated competitor in the event, as well as a sub for both the top and reserve sections, I had some reservations about setting particular goals or expectations. My goal--don't get zero.

After round 3, I was faffing about and decided to show my piss-poor effort against IM Eric Hansen in round 1 to a few of the players hanging around the playing area. After showing the players some of the variations that Eric had shown me in the post-mortem, it became apparent that, like so many other games in King's Indian defence, if black doesn't play f5 he should get whacked. Adding in my usual snarky comments, GM Anton Kovalyov picked up on my lack of confidence and said "Why do you give them(masters) respect? They don't deserve respect." And later, "I get bad positions all the time, just fight and see what happens."

I guess something about his words struck a chord with me. I was called back into the International for round 5 after Mr. Shirazi chose to drop out and played out the rest of the tournament not knowing if another player would soon recoil and relieve me of my duty. To my delight, I managed to score wins over David Miller, a promising junior from Grand Prairie, and seasoned vet Dale Haessel from Calgary. Lady Luck seemed to be on my side..until Monday when I was handily outplayed by yet another junior by the name of Jafar Faraji from Lethbridge. Chess is strange game. 

Many people seem to believe that I'm quite capable of becoming of master-level chess player, and I'm almost there, but over the years I've noticed that I often have a self-defeating attitude about playing players better than myself. I see the 22(  )+ and almost immediately grunt disapprovingly. I figure they must be better than me, so why try? But in this event, thanks in part to Anton, I tried on a new mantra-- "You beat me, I won't". 

I won't speak for others, but it seems like becoming a master in chess is more of a psychological hurdle rather than a technical one, and a feat that requires a good degree of competence and confidence in grappling with the more esoteric elements of chess, and life in general. If you're the Dalai Lama of stress management, and the Rambo of confidence, equipped with two AK's of chess knowledge and enough ammo to last 70 years, you're probably well on your way. Don't be a baby like me and shudder at the first wiff of a challenge. "I don't wanna".

Confidence gets the ladies, and the rating points too.